Resistance Journals Asks Obama to Use Executive Order to Ban Showers

Posted: May 23, 2015 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,


It is now time to act on assault-showers, & fire-tubs-Executive Order Now!

May 22, 2015
Andrew Pontbriand

Today I had a life changing, and earth shattering experience. I learned first hand the dangers of showers, and the need to either regulate or ban these dangerous death traps. Luckily, I have the reflexes of a cat and my slip did not add to the statistic of slip-and-fall deaths in America.

Currently, the numbers of slip-and-fall deaths are very high. Lets face it, we have all had one of those close calls, where that mat with the suction cups has water creep underneath it, causing the suction to re-neg on its promise to keep you from going on a magic carpet ride. 

To show you the dangers of slip and fall accidents (which I contend likely happen mostly in the bathtub –being it’s evil nature) I pulled some Stats from NSU Hospitality. See below:

  1. Over 540,000 slip and fall injuries requiring hospital care occur in North America each year.
  2.  Slip and falls account for over 300,000 disabling injuries per year in North America.
  3.  One in three serious bone breaks for seniors result in death within one year of the accident.
  4.  Slip and falls account for over 20,000 fatalities per year in North America or about 55 per day.
  5.  It is the second leading cause of accidental death and disability after automobile accidents.
  6.  Slips and falls are the number one cause of accidents in the workplace accounting for 30% of all reported injuries.
  7.  Slip and falls are the number one cause of accidents in Hotels, Restaurants and Public Buildings, with 70% occurring on flat and level surfaces.
  8.  Slip and falls are the leading cause of death in the workplace and the source of more than 57% of all disabling injuries.
  9.  Slip-Fall accidents account for 30% of all reported injuries.
  10.  Slip and falls result in Worker’s Compensation claims over $1.8 Billion a year or about 40% of all accidents claims paid out.
  11.  Slip and falls account for 40% of general liability claims.

WOW! 20,000 fatalities every year in North America from slip and fall accidents! It is really getting to the point now where we need to act on these numbers. Every year, 20,000 people die from these inanimate objects, and it is time we make a change..

Before I explain how we can do this, I just want to examine some quick statistics concerning guns. After all, we are going to be asking President Obama to use his Executive power to ban these dangerous objects, just as we know he would like to do with guns.

In 2012, according to the FBI Crime Statistics; 8,855 people were murdered by guns. Or rather, they were murdered by people with guns. Isn’t that just amazing!?

These guns, are inanimate objects too, that is until a human picks one up and makes the conscious decision to use it to harm someone. But these showers, no they are different. These things just act on their own as soon as you add water!

Now I know what you’re thinking – and you are right. I too have witnessed the movies on the big screen where a teenage girl hides in the shower and escapes certain death by a masked man on a murderous rampage. But, lets not be fooled here; I have seen these things in action, and my life was almost lost.

Considering many of these gun grabbers if you will, have made it their mission to further regulate, or even ban guns to protect innocent victims, why can’t they do this with showers – especially seeing as slip and fall accidents are FAR more destructive and violent!

Lets use Piers Morgan for example. Piers Morgan is one of the most outspoken advocates for gun control, however I must point out Piers can’t be too concerned about victims, considering his involvement in phonehacking. Come on Piers, you don’t have us fooled, we know you are shilling it out for the White House.


We at The Resistance Journals know how dangerous slip-and-fall’s can be, and see  the large number of deaths as a threat to National Security. On behalf of Americans in all 50 States, we are calling on the President to sign an executive order to ban these harmful, and dangerous weapons. We cannot sit idly by as showers continue to cleanse the earth, by killing off the humans who we can all agree are destroying it.

That is why we have taken the initiative to create a petition to rally support for these new measures. Last night, President Obama referred to 2014 as the “Year of Action”, so one could only assume he means he will listen to our call to arms, as he takes his pen, and signs the next executive order that could save lives; and even help him avoid a lame-duck presidency and secure his name in history.

Please help defend and prevent against more slip-and-fall injury or deaths by signing this petition. We can not afford to lose more lives through these senseless acts, and have them ignored any longer. Please visit the website here and have your voice be heard — Petition to Ban Showers

DISCLAIMER: This is obviously Satire, and we are not seriously asking to ban showers. This is an attempt to show the absurdity used by gun control advocates who chose to look at numbers, which do not correlate to real life situations. WE DO HOWEVER, encourage everyone to go to the website and SIGN THE PETITION. This would be a great opportunity to have the upper hand with the narrative as the Obama Administration prepares to further regulate our 2nd Amendment. 


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s